[fiveohwblow]

Originally Posted by 94cobra69ss396

He handled this completely wrong, no wonder his daugther doesn't respect him. Don't get me wrong, she was wrong in what she did and should have an appropriate punishment but that was not it. Unfortunately it's apparent that he failed as a father a long time ago for her to not have any respect for him at age 15.

He told her what he was going to do if she did not change her behavior, and he followed through. That's more than I can assume most parents do nowadays. He did nothing wrong. He bought it, he gave punishment if problems ensued, he followed through. Nothing wrong with that AT ALL.

Kids lose respect for pushover parents. Not those who punish.

[94cobra69ss396]

I'm not a pushover parent but I'm also not an a__hole who responds to a situation like he is 15 years old and can't control his temper. Explain to me how making a public video and destoying her computer by shooting it with a gun is better than sitting her down, discussing it with her and then taking her computer away.

[fiveohwblow]

Originally Posted by 94cobra69ss396

I'm not a pushover parent but I'm also not an a__hole who responds to a situation like he is 15 years old and can't control his temper. Explain to me how making a public video and destoying her computer by shooting it with a gun is better than sitting her down, discussing it with her and then taking her computer away.

Unless we were there I cannot say whether or not he has done this. FROM THE SOUNDS OF IT the reports I've heard he did ask her and had a discussion with her. She continued disobeying knowing this was the final punishment.

He also did not expect this to go viral. Old people are unaware of the meaning of viral let alone it's implications.

[94cobra69ss396]

He's in IT, you really believe he didn't know what he was doing? He wanted to embarrass her and it just made him look like an ass. As a father I can tell you that he didn't handle this the way I would have. Anyone who knows me can tell you what type of father I am and how my kids behave. Am I strict, no. Am I a pushover, no. I believe that kids need set rules and not abiding to them will have a consequence. However, they also need love and affection and unfortunately a lot of parents don't give kids that.

[fiveohwblow]

Originally Posted by 94cobra69ss396

I believe that kids need set rules and not abiding to them will have a consequence. However, they also need love and affection and unfortunately a lot of parents don't give kids that.

I couldn't agree more.

[Shaolin Crane]

That dude reminds me of my dad

I was warned if i didnt put my hotwheels away they'd get lost. Didnt put them away and they all saw the 12lb sledge hammer.

My dad toldus if we didnt like dinner we wouldnt eat, my sister went 3 days without food before she caved.

I was told if i didnt clean my room it would be cleaned for me, he threw all my shit on the floor away.

I was told if i didnt do my own laundry he'd burn it to clean it...

Best way? Probably not, but i do have a very different appreciation for my stuff now

[94cobra69ss396]

We've done similar with my girls. They were told to pick up their toys and that if they didn't I would. They picked up some but not all. The following day I took a black trash bag and picked up all the toys they left out. After a week I told them they could start earning them back one per week if they kept everything picked up which they did and got them all back. Now if I tell them to pick up their toys they do it right away. I'm sure that if I would have thrown them away they also would have learned to pick them up but why be as ass when I can teach them the same thing without being one.

[Vettezuki]

Originally Posted by Shaolin Crane

Best way? Probably not, .

This is the point probably. Not so much disagreement on desired reasonable ends. The means are important though. Depending on the parent and child and methods, the child can grow up with as many problems that result from crappy attempts at discipline as anything else.

I don't have kids, but my personal opinion is that I'd be as easy, loving and affectionate as possible, instilling cause and effect through discussion and "trade" as much as possible.

I think people, regardless of age, have an instinctive desire for stuff obviously, so it's a matter of defining the parameters of how they get and keep it. Frankly, by the time kids start getting towards ten, and certainly by teenage years, they should probably get some allowance that they can use as they please (and what they get is purely theirs at that point) or work to buy what they want. When I was 10 my dad told me he didn't have anymore free money, so I went to work. He paid me $100/week (1984) to work with him . . and I did really work, over the summer and made a bit more than $1k, which I used to buy things I wanted, like a Free Style Haro bike. It was one of the most satisfying memories in my life. A couple years later I bought my own guitars and so own. These things were always just treated as my property though I was a child.

I am NOT saying parents shouldn't provide things for their kids, but I think there's considerable room for kids to get acquainted with the idea of providing for themselves at a fairly young age. There could be exceptions to this in the case where a kid had some special talent or is completely focused on advanced education from an early age that required all their time and focus.

[Vettezuki]

Originally Posted by 94cobra69ss396

. . . The following day I took a black trash bag and picked up all the toys they left out. After a week I told them they could start earning them back one per week if they kept everything picked up which they did and got them all back. . . .

This is VERY different than destroying property. When you destroy something that a child perceives to belong to them, you, the parent, are in a way destroying/attacking the child (as they'll see it). You might get some conditioned response from negative reinforcement, but there's not much positive learning. It's just behavior modification based on fear and obedience, not understanding.

[94cobra69ss396]

I don't want to give my kids an allowance. I prefer to buy them the things they want if they earn them. They still have chores that they are required to do but they don't get paid for it. If there is a doll they want then I buy it for them. If they don't do their chores then it is taken away and they have to earn it back.

When I was a teenager I didn't get an allowance, my parents just gave me money when I needed it for things like gas. I still had chores that I was required to do but that was just something I knew I had to do. However, that was only because I played basketball which required a lot of time. I was given the choice that I could either play a sport or get a job. I had been playing basketball for years before that so for me it was a given that I was going to continue playing. For Phil, he decided his sophmore year to stop playing and instead got a job.

Since my girls are only 8 and 10 I don't know what I will do when they are in high school but I think they are both going to be athletes (softball and soccer). So more than likely sports and school will keep them busy so they won't be working.