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Old 08-22-2008, 09:06 AM   #1
JaphyJaphy is offline
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Default Japhy Does Sturgis

So, sometime during the last big frost, I decide what me an the scooter need is a little ridin in weather actually fit for humans. Sturgis seemed like a decent enough excuse so I get the time off work, take a look at the weather, load the tent and bag into the rucksack, fill the saddlebags with tools, warm shit for Canadia, some beer, 2 cans of chew, and some beer.
We hit the road @ 4 in the am and head for lunch in Tok, AK. About 320 miles. Rains off and on the whole friggin way. But that's ok, good weather's waitin' for us down south. So now we're headed out of Tok at 1ish or so and here's a sign sayin "road construction- next 46 miles" Yeah, so we ain't makin time any more. So there I am EXACTLY 6 miles out of Tok, before the Methuselean road construction, steady at 55, straight and level, when all of a sudden I hear the rpm's climb about 150 while ol wilbur tries to swap ends on me. So now I'm lettin off the throttle while givin him a little body english with my right butt cheek, and just as I get im in line again, we're back on solid ground again. So we pull off at the next wide spot and I pop the top on a can of some heart medication, get the ticker down from redline and ask myself JUST WTF WAS THAT! I have no idea what was on the road, but it set the tone for the afternoon.
Not long after that happy little distraction we hit the resurfacing project between Tok and the border. Now I know the logistics make my theory improbable at best but I'll be damned if they didn't import red Georgia clay for the roadbed. It may not have come from Georgia, but it was red, wet, and greasy. Every friggin hill that ass end was washin out no matter how I tried to get him to behave. So you just give him his head and let him pick his own way an try like hell to stay atop 'im! Found out once I got back from this trip that out of the HOG group that traveled that way the next day, 7 of em dumped their bikes in that shit. But that's ok, good roads are waitin for us down south.
Hit the border, had my driver's license, birth certificate, proof of insurance, DNA sample just seconds away... I was ready. Get to the booth, she asks where I'm from. "Anchorage, Alaska Ma'am" She asks where I'm going. "Enumclaw, Wa" She asks if I'm travelling alone... "appears so" Have any weapons or firearms? "No Ma'am" Have a nice trip she says. Never even asked my friggin name! I'll tell ya Canadia's really jumped into this whole post-911 security first world with both feet. I put my shit back in my pockets without her ever asking to look at it and begin trying to develop an economical way to convert KMH into MPH.
A couple gas stops later and after about 750 miles for the day, I'd survived stealth oil slicks, road construction that went on longer than a chick flick ona 3rd date, and I'm just about to Whitehorse in the Yukon eh? Looking for a place to camp. Come to a small settlement with about 8 houses and a school. IN THE PLAYGROUND is a friggin griz. Now I hadn't risked keestering my .44 to get it into the People's Republic of the Great White North, so suddenly camping lost it's appeal. On to Whitehorse for cold beer and a motel room. If there's any redeaming quality of Canada, it's the beer right?
Turns out, the reason Canadians all have beer fridges is cause you can't buy beer any time you feel like it. No kiddin. You have to go to the Beer Store. No biggie, except the Beer Store is only open from 9-5 3 or 4 days a week. So you have to make a friggin appointment to purchase a sixpack. So I end up at a bar where I can have a coolie without dippin into my stash. Give the gal a twenty for a pint and she gives me back a ten and a fistfull of coins. WTF!? How much is a friggin pint in this country? Turns out they got a dollar coin and a two dollar coin. Ok, noted. Couple beers, rent a room, crash. Day 1, 750 miles.
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Old 08-22-2008, 09:53 AM   #2
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I am so looking forward to this story unfold.
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Old 08-22-2008, 01:50 PM   #3
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Originally Posted by Vettezuki View Post
I am so looking forward to this story unfold.
This works for me too. Just riding a 1948 Pan hard tail from OC to ND is not my idea of fun, so never went. So, on with the story.
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Old 08-24-2008, 06:43 PM   #4
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Riveting first chapter, Nick....When's the sequel???
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Old 08-25-2008, 09:29 AM   #5
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Yeah, I'm sorry about that guys. It's been a busy weekend. I'll set aside some time tonight for episode 2 "Lonely Bartenders and Steel-Decked Bridges" You all have a good day, Japhy
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Old 08-26-2008, 12:34 AM   #6
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So day 2 I haul my sore ass into the saddle at 6am, gas up and head south out of Whitehorse. About a hundred miles down is the first of several steel decked bridges on the Alaska Hwy. For anyone who's never riden 2 wheels across one, the longitudinal (yeah, don't think that's spelled right) ribs project from the surface about a half inch and are spaced about 3-4 inches apart. Just enough to trap your tires. No, they don't run straight. They weave to and fro all the way across the friggin thing. So you take em at about 25 and just let the ol scooter wobble along untill you get to the other side. No sweat. Except steel don't offer much traction, and it offers next to none when it's wet.
Getting back to it, I hit the first of these at Johnson's Crossing (Teslin River). It's about six hundred yards long and more than high enough for me. And it's raining. So I pull up to it at 20-25 mph and start across. 20 yards out and I'm in a cold sweat. Things are fine if not unnerving, but the damn thing ain't level, so the bike goes along for awhile in its groove and then jumps over to the next one. Still not a big deal, untill I'm about over to the center line and here comes this big-assed pusher class-A motorhome. This thing's slicker than whale shit on an ice flow and I'm trying to coax the old boy back over to the right while pissing down both legs and trying not to end up as some blue-hair's hood ornament. Sumbitch. Gonna need some more of that blood pressure medication!
Well we survived and rolled into Watson Lake after a time, weather was lookin up for a change. Watson Lake is home to the infamous "sign forest". It's about an acre of telephone poles erected for the purpose of displaying road signs, license plates, etc. from wherever a person has travelled from. Kinda neat, and the housekeeper has shown the Luddite how to post pics so I'll give it a try.

There's a hotel/restaurant/bar in town so I swung in for a burger and beer. Inside, it's just me and the bartender. She looks to be about 21-22 or so, cute little gal. Ask her if they serve food in the bar and she says yes. So I ask her if she's got Pabst Blue Ribbon, and she's never heard of it. Stranger ina strange land man. I gotta get out of this country. "Say, ya got Labatts Blue?" "Sure do, eh?" says she. I'llllll take one. So she brings me a beer and grabs her water glass with a straw and comes around to sit riiiiiight next to me.
"So, you ridin'?"
"Yup, down from Anchorage, Alaska."
Long pause....
Stirs her water with the straw...
"Where you goin?"
"Sturgis, South Dakota."
More stiring...
"You goin to visit someone?"
"No, goin down for the rally."
Looooong pause.
"You've never heard of it have ya."
"No"
"Well, it's a motorcycle rally that's been hosted in Sturgis since 1938. About a half million bikers come from all over the world to this town of 5000 people every year during the first week of August."
"I went to Calgary for the Stampede this year."
"That's cool, I hear that's one of the biggest rodeos in the world."
"Yeah, there's LOTS of people there."
Looooong pause. (At this point I'm beginning to feel like I've been set up on a blind date.) She goes to get my burger, brings another beer, and sits right down beside me again. Strangest damn thing. We make small talk about the weather and such. Man, she's like PAINFULLY shy, and it's time for me to go- I'm beginning to hear the Twilight Zone theme playing somewhere in the background.
"You gonna come back this way?"
"yeah, in about a week an a half."
-It is the only road that one can take, but I don't mention that.

Boy, sure feels good to be back in the wind! How far to America?
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Old 08-26-2008, 11:06 AM   #7
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And you didn't offer her any candy??
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Old 08-26-2008, 11:27 AM   #8
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And you didn't offer her any candy??
By the sounds of it I bet you if he stayed long enough she would have showed her . . . private collection of Lugers.
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Old 08-26-2008, 12:58 PM   #9
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By the sounds of it I bet you if he stayed long enough she would have showed her . . . private collection of Lugers.
Not that I don't have a reputation as a flirt...
There was just a weird sad vibe around the whole situation. I really think she was just lonely bein stuck in a tiny town that's butt-assed cold half the year (weeks of 50-60 below 0). What eligable bachelors there are are probably scooped up quick or kids get the hell outta town the first chance they get. It was like an arctic version of stopping at a place in the middle of the Nevada desert where the tumbleweed outnumber the folks still living there after the interstate bypassed them. You meet all kinds out there...
Take care all, Japhy
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Old 08-26-2008, 02:17 PM   #10
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Not that I don't have a reputation as a flirt...
There was just a weird sad vibe around the whole situation. I really think she was just lonely bein stuck in a tiny town that's butt-assed cold half the year (weeks of 50-60 below 0). What eligable bachelors there are are probably scooped up quick or kids get the hell outta town the first chance they get. It was like an arctic version of stopping at a place in the middle of the Nevada desert where the tumbleweed outnumber the folks still living there after the interstate bypassed them. You meet all kinds out there...
Take care all, Japhy
Somehow easy to imagine, deep melancholy, creaking hinges, worn bar stools, thrashed juke box. Hopefully for her sake she doesn't wait too long to get out of there if it's not floating her boat. It's strange how people get attached to situations that kill them slowly.
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