Angry Dad!

[Leedom]

Not totally sure how to react to this. I think I approve.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kl1ujzRidmU&feature=colike

[blackax]

That is the dad of the year!

[Vettezuki]

I can understand the frustration at some level, but I'll bet it doesn't work terribly well.

[Leedom]

I do think that kids now-a-days are spoiled and parented poorly. Kids now have almost everything at their finger tips. Many schools no longer have books to lug around. You just load them on your iPad. Who has to go to the library anymore, just do all your report research online. You have a phone everywhere you go in your pocket. They have TVs in their rooms and game consoles that are better than our expensive computers from when we were kids. They are told by the world that nothing is their fault, but someone else's. This kid is a spoiled brat. I would never think about even saying that type of stuff to my parents. Not sure how this video is going to punish her but I am sure she is going to feel the affects of loosing her laptop, cell phone, ect.

[Shaolin Crane]

When I was a kid, if i EVER talked back, threw a tantrum, felt i was entitled to something, i got the SHIT kicked out of me. Then there were those times where Sensei would kick th shit out of me just cause he felt it was deserved. Kids now a days just need the shit kicked out of them.

[94cobra69ss396]

He handled this completely wrong, no wonder his daugther doesn't respect him. Don't get me wrong, she was wrong in what she did and should have an appropriate punishment but that was not it. Unfortunately it's apparent that he failed as a father a long time ago for her to not have any respect for him at age 15.

[Jammer89]

I watched whole thing. It didn't inspire much inside me and the whole time I was wondering how something like this can go viral when there are certainly more important things for us to be worried about. I agree. Not much patenting going on there. I never talked back to my parents, never. But that is because I respected them regardless. Ultimately, your children will react based on how you raise them. There's a certain degree of diplomacy that needs to happen though.

[Vettezuki]

Ron and Jammer echo my thoughts a little better. :thumbs_up:

[SeanPlunk]

He handled this completely wrong, no wonder his daugther doesn't respect him. Don't get me wrong, she was wrong in what she did and should have an appropriate punishment but that was not it. Unfortunately it's apparent that he failed as a father a long time ago for her to not have any respect for him at age 15.

This x1000.

[Damian]

When I was a kid, if i EVER talked back, threw a tantrum, felt i was entitled to something, i got the SHIT kicked out of me. Then there were those times where Sensei would kick th shit out of me just cause he felt it was deserved. Kids now a days just need the shit kicked out of them.

This is why I can't walk straight anymore.

[fiveohwblow]

He handled this completely wrong, no wonder his daugther doesn't respect him. Don't get me wrong, she was wrong in what she did and should have an appropriate punishment but that was not it. Unfortunately it's apparent that he failed as a father a long time ago for her to not have any respect for him at age 15.

He told her what he was going to do if she did not change her behavior, and he followed through. That's more than I can assume most parents do nowadays. He did nothing wrong. He bought it, he gave punishment if problems ensued, he followed through. Nothing wrong with that AT ALL.

Kids lose respect for pushover parents. Not those who punish.

[94cobra69ss396]

I'm not a pushover parent but I'm also not an a__hole who responds to a situation like he is 15 years old and can't control his temper. Explain to me how making a public video and destoying her computer by shooting it with a gun is better than sitting her down, discussing it with her and then taking her computer away.

[fiveohwblow]

I'm not a pushover parent but I'm also not an a__hole who responds to a situation like he is 15 years old and can't control his temper. Explain to me how making a public video and destoying her computer by shooting it with a gun is better than sitting her down, discussing it with her and then taking her computer away.

Unless we were there I cannot say whether or not he has done this. FROM THE SOUNDS OF IT the reports I've heard he did ask her and had a discussion with her. She continued disobeying knowing this was the final punishment.

He also did not expect this to go viral. Old people are unaware of the meaning of viral let alone it's implications.

[94cobra69ss396]

He's in IT, you really believe he didn't know what he was doing? He wanted to embarrass her and it just made him look like an ass. As a father I can tell you that he didn't handle this the way I would have. Anyone who knows me can tell you what type of father I am and how my kids behave. Am I strict, no. Am I a pushover, no. I believe that kids need set rules and not abiding to them will have a consequence. However, they also need love and affection and unfortunately a lot of parents don't give kids that.

[fiveohwblow]

I believe that kids need set rules and not abiding to them will have a consequence. However, they also need love and affection and unfortunately a lot of parents don't give kids that.

I couldn't agree more.

[Shaolin Crane]

That dude reminds me of my dad :huh:

I was warned if i didnt put my hotwheels away they'd get lost. Didnt put them away and they all saw the 12lb sledge hammer.

My dad toldus if we didnt like dinner we wouldnt eat, my sister went 3 days without food before she caved.

I was told if i didnt clean my room it would be cleaned for me, he threw all my shit on the floor away.

I was told if i didnt do my own laundry he'd burn it to clean it...

Best way? Probably not, but i do have a very different appreciation for my stuff now :huh:

[94cobra69ss396]

We've done similar with my girls. They were told to pick up their toys and that if they didn't I would. They picked up some but not all. The following day I took a black trash bag and picked up all the toys they left out. After a week I told them they could start earning them back one per week if they kept everything picked up which they did and got them all back. Now if I tell them to pick up their toys they do it right away. I'm sure that if I would have thrown them away they also would have learned to pick them up but why be as ass when I can teach them the same thing without being one.

[Vettezuki]

Best way? Probably not, .

This is the point probably. Not so much disagreement on desired reasonable ends. The means are important though. Depending on the parent and child and methods, the child can grow up with as many problems that result from crappy attempts at discipline as anything else.

I don't have kids, but my personal opinion is that I'd be as easy, loving and affectionate as possible, instilling cause and effect through discussion and "trade" as much as possible.

I think people, regardless of age, have an instinctive desire for stuff obviously, so it's a matter of defining the parameters of how they get and keep it. Frankly, by the time kids start getting towards ten, and certainly by teenage years, they should probably get some allowance that they can use as they please (and what they get is purely theirs at that point) or work to buy what they want. When I was 10 my dad told me he didn't have anymore free money, so I went to work. He paid me $100/week (1984) to work with him . . and I did really work, over the summer and made a bit more than $1k, which I used to buy things I wanted, like a Free Style Haro bike. It was one of the most satisfying memories in my life. A couple years later I bought my own guitars and so own. These things were always just treated as my property though I was a child.

I am NOT saying parents shouldn't provide things for their kids, but I think there's considerable room for kids to get acquainted with the idea of providing for themselves at a fairly young age. There could be exceptions to this in the case where a kid had some special talent or is completely focused on advanced education from an early age that required all their time and focus.

[Vettezuki]

. . . The following day I took a black trash bag and picked up all the toys they left out. After a week I told them they could start earning them back one per week if they kept everything picked up which they did and got them all back. . . .

This is VERY different than destroying property. When you destroy something that a child perceives to belong to them, you, the parent, are in a way destroying/attacking the child (as they'll see it). You might get some conditioned response from negative reinforcement, but there's not much positive learning. It's just behavior modification based on fear and obedience, not understanding.

[94cobra69ss396]

I don't want to give my kids an allowance. I prefer to buy them the things they want if they earn them. They still have chores that they are required to do but they don't get paid for it. If there is a doll they want then I buy it for them. If they don't do their chores then it is taken away and they have to earn it back.

When I was a teenager I didn't get an allowance, my parents just gave me money when I needed it for things like gas. I still had chores that I was required to do but that was just something I knew I had to do. However, that was only because I played basketball which required a lot of time. I was given the choice that I could either play a sport or get a job. I had been playing basketball for years before that so for me it was a given that I was going to continue playing. For Phil, he decided his sophmore year to stop playing and instead got a job.

Since my girls are only 8 and 10 I don't know what I will do when they are in high school but I think they are both going to be athletes (softball and soccer). So more than likely sports and school will keep them busy so they won't be working.

[Shaolin Crane]

This is the point probably. Not so much disagreement on desired reasonable ends. The means are important though. Depending on the parent and child and methods, the child can grow up with as many problems that result from crappy attempts at discipline as anything else.

I don't have kids, but my personal opinion is that I'd be as easy, loving and affectionate as possible, instilling cause and effect through discussion and "trade" as much as possible.

I think people, regardless of age, have an instinctive desire for stuff obviously, so it's a matter of defining the parameters of how they get and keep it. Frankly, by the time kids start getting towards ten, and certainly by teenage years, they should probably get some allowance that they can use as they please (and what they get is purely theirs at that point) or work to buy what they want. When I was 10 my dad told me he didn't have anymore free money, so I went to work. He paid me $100/week (1984) to work with him . . and I did really work, over the summer and made a bit more than $1k, which I used to buy things I wanted, like a Free Style Haro bike. It was one of the most satisfying memories in my life. A couple years later I bought my own guitars and so own. These things were always just treated as my property though I was a child.

I am NOT saying parents shouldn't provide things for their kids, but I think there's considerable room for kids to get acquainted with the idea of providing for themselves at a fairly young age. There could be exceptions to this in the case where a kid had some special talent or is completely focused on advanced education from an early age that required all their time and focus.
i've been teaching children for a while now (05)

The problem with trying to be understanding and fair about certian things is children WILL call your bluff eventually. Now i'm not a parent(thank god and should be a permanent thing soon) but i've had to deal with ALL types of kids. If there isnt concern something unreversable is going to happen they will keep doing it. I didnt get allowance from my dad but my sister did. We both had even chores, i also knew if i didnt take care of my chores or my items it would be REALLY difficult to re-obtain them, so i cared and worked hard for them.

Sometimes you HAVE to back up your guns, and if you do it the right way it will only need to be done once, wether or not you're nice about it. There should be some fear when it comes to parenting, you're not there to be their friend, you're there to raise them.

I've had my students call my bluff, but i make sure i carry it out in a way where it only happens once, i also dont care what they think of me afterwards because i know its for the better of them. Parenting should be the same way, too many parents view their children as friends and let them do anything. If your kid asked you to try coke what would you say? What would you do if you found out? What would your kids say if someone else asked them about what their parents would think.

I know that i was afraid of my dad, but only when i did something i KNEW was wrong. Cause i knew there would be serious reprocusions.

[94cobra69ss396]

I disagree. You are trying to handle someone elses kids, not ones that you raised. I think if you bring the child up right then you do not have to give an unreversable consequence for something they did wrong. I can tell you that if you were teaching either one of my girls you would not have to discipline them at all. If you told them to do something in class they would do as you say.

[Vettezuki]

I don't want to give my kids an allowance. I prefer to buy them the things they want if they earn them. They still have chores that they are required to do but they don't get paid for it. If there is a doll they want then I buy it for them. If they don't do their chores then it is taken away and they have to earn it back.

Not picking a fight here, only expressing a difference of opinion. You're obviously doing a great job. The world would be a better place if the average parent was half as devoted as you guys are.

From my POV, if a person earns X, it is theirs. If they are a child or not does not matter. When you say they earn something, then remove it, you set up a little bit confusing property relationship; one where *everything* is effectively conditionally leased/rented. In this way, they child may learn obedience to authority, but may not develop a fully mature sense of ownership.

When I was a teenager I didn't get an allowance, my parents just gave me money when I needed it for things like gas. I still had chores that I was required to do but that was just something I knew I had to do.

The benefit of something like a fixed allowance, or wage for chores, is that the child begins to learn the art and technique of budgetting. "I want to go to the movies, eat with friends, buy some music, but I don't have enough money for everything . . what do I want to do most?" This is the capitalist in me. It prepares a child for the reality of our society. The former is effectively socialist in orientation (as a family sort of is), but misses an opportunity for conditioning IMO. You commie. ;) This is quasi serious though as I am fucking stupefied how incompetent people in general, but especially young adults are with money, which in turns sets them up for potentially a lifetime of difficulty and stress, where just a little practical learning at a young age may change everything. This is not about "learning" to be greedy, selfish money grubbing or anything of the sort, it's about learning the reality of scarce resources and making intelligent choices with those resources based on your short and long term preferences.

However, that was only because I played basketball which required a lot of time. I was given the choice that I could either play a sport or get a job. I had been playing basketball for years before that so for me it was a given that I was going to continue playing. For Phil, he decided his sophmore year to stop playing and instead got a job.

I played baseball all the time, and worked at a batting cage (among other places). What I didn't do nearly as much as some other kids is just hang out, so that's where that time came from. This is not better or worse, just my choice. The sad reality is that it is now quite difficult for kids under 16 to work anywhere even if they wanted to.

Since my girls are only 8 and 10 I don't know what I will do when they are in high school but I think they are both going to be athletes (softball and soccer). So more than likely sports and school will keep them busy so they won't be working.

Present some options and explain them and let them choose and change their minds as they see fit. No reason they can't start learning this kind of adult decision making and they'll have and love the feeling of controlling their own life. :huh: The parents role, in my view, is far more of guidance than control.

[94cobra69ss396]

I agree with you that it's the parents job give guidance but at a young age is it also their job to control that child. I disagree that giving them an allowance is the only way to teach them how to be responsible with money. After basketball season was over my senior year I got a job at Econo Lube and saved up enough money to get an apartment. After I finished school I moved out. I worked at Econo Lube for 9 months and then changed jobs. I worked for that company for 22 years before we got bought out and closed. That's when I went to work for my current employer who I've been with for almost 9 years. My wife and I bought our first house when we got married and it was a small little two bedroom that we could afford on just my income. We later sold that house and bought our current house again that we could afford on just my income. Even though my parents gave me money I still learned how to manage my expenses.

[Vettezuki]

. . but at a young age is it also their job to control that child.

Sure and what that means at different ages will be different for different children. I guess my basic principle is they should have as much freedom and self direction as possible as they can handle it. Basically, taking the training wheels off so to speak.

I disagree that giving them an allowance is the only way to teach them how to be responsible with money.

I didn't say or even mean to imply it was. Just one pretty simple way that's all.

. . . My wife and I bought our first house when we got married and it was a small little two bedroom that we could afford on just my income. We later sold that house and bought our current house again that we could afford on just my income. . . .

If everyone followed a pattern like this we woulnd't have any troubles at all. Hell, we'd be a lot better off if people were just aware it was possible.

[Vettezuki]

. . Now i'm not a parent(thank god and should be a permanent thing soon) . .

There are probably three things any couple must agree pretty tightly on or it WILL blow up in there face eventually.

1 - Kids. If one wants them and the other doesn't, you're going to have problems. Period. One must accept the position of the other. In my personal case I kind of wanted them and my wife did not, then fate intervened with a medical issue and that was that. But I'd be lying if I won't forever have some curiosity. Plus I think we can all agree I'd be about the coolest fucking dad ever. But the important part is that I understood and accepted my wife's position so I have no regrets. But if,as is more common, a woman strongly wants children as a life goal and has her identity tied up with it, and doesn't get them, she WILL have serious psychological issues as a result and those WILL affect the dude. You have to be reading from the same music on this.

2 - Money and work. If one is a tight wad and the other is a big spender, disaster is only a matter of time. Likewise if one prefers time and being together, doing stuff and the other is a severe work-a-holic, disaster is only a matter of time. Women get curious too, and more than a few have drifted to another man because their significant other was more commited to their job.

3 - Religion/spirituality. Also related to kids. If the parents have different faith traditions, they need to be in agreement on what they are going to teach or expose to their kids. What you don't want is a Holy War in the house.

This is the kind of shit couples really need to work out before they start getting serious about coupling for life. Especially before they unintentionally start making kids.

[Shaolin Crane]

There are probably three things any couple must agree pretty tightly on or it WILL blow up in there face eventually.

1 - Kids. If one wants them and the other doesn't, you're going to have problems. Period. One must accept the position of the other. In my personal case I kind of wanted them and my wife did not, then fate intervened with a medical issue and that was that. But I'd be lying if I won't forever have some curiosity. Plus I think we can all agree I'd be about the coolest fucking dad ever. But the important part is that I understood and accepted my wife's position so I have no regrets. But if,as is more common, a woman strongly wants children as a life goal and has her identity tied up with it, and doesn't get them, she WILL have serious psychological issues as a result and those WILL affect the dude. You have to be reading from the same music on this.

2 - Money and work. If one is a tight wad and the other is a big spender, disaster is only a matter of time. Likewise if one prefers time and being together, doing stuff and the other is a severe work-a-holic, disaster is only a matter of time. Women get curious too, and more than a few have drifted to another man because their significant other was more commited to their job.

3 - Religion/spirituality. Also related to kids. If the parents have different faith traditions, they need to be in agreement on what they are going to teach or expose to their kids. What you don't want is a Holy War in the house.

This is the kind of shit couples really need to work out before they start getting serious about coupling for life. Especially before they unintentionally start making kids.

not sure where i implied we didnt have a handle on this, i completely agree so let me set the record straight.

1. I'm being fixed on the 9th, plain and simple. IF i were to want kids, and thats a huge IF cause i generally cant stand kids, at all. And i teach them as a requirement for certain certifications, thats it. She is the same way, she cant stand kids and doesnt want them. If for some odd reason 20 years down the line we both want kids i see adoption being just as much of an option as natural birth, there are plenty of kids in the world, hell in our own country who dont have homes, why would they be less of an option?

2. Money and work. I work hard cause i play hard, i dont work hard because i have nothing better to do. I work hard because there is so much better to do. I'm pretty good with my money, or at least i think so. My attainments ive made with hiw little i get paid is pretty awesome in my opinion. Vanessa also is a great saver. Ron hit the nail on the head, everything i purchase i make sure i can afford with my own money alone. This way she is able to finish schooling uniterupted. And any money she brings in is all gravy and fun. :umber one priority is not to put us on hold for stupid things, date night is a mandatory weekly thing. I make sure it happens every week regardless of the shit i have going on. I also have no issue putting off work for a day when she just need a hug or a get away. You dont get extras after life for ignoring your beloved for work.

3. Religion, we're both not very religious, simple. We have a certain guidline of decency towards each other. No cheating etc. Dont have to be religious to be a good person. I guess you can say my religion is my honor of the martial arts. Or bushido(budo) if you will.

[Vettezuki]

. . . She is the same way, she cant stand kids and doesnt want them.

Oh hell I thought she wanted kids for some reason. :huh:

If for some odd reason 20 years down the line we both want kids i see adoption being just as much of an option as natural birth, there are plenty of kids in the world, hell in our own country who dont have homes, why would they be less of an option?

Mega agree. In fact, unless you just want your own flesh and blood (which is understandable too), but having a kid is the main goal, adoption is a better choice IMO. My work is fairly insane and my wife is gone most of the day everyday, so we sponsor a kid in Zambia and I'm thinking of doing Big Brother where I have some flexibility with time.

2. Money and work.

3. Religion

I was just opinating, nothing directed at you. One was though.

[Shaolin Crane]

Nope, we both cant stand kids. Case by case basis is ok, but generally cant. I'll agree Ron's kids are great but its definitely something i dont as a part of my life. Neither does she, she has looked into methods of sterylization as well but i deemed to have it performed on me cause there is FAR less risk. Plus 2 little incisions isnt nearly as bad as some of the trauma my nards have been through.

I'm glad to say we have things down pretty well, and the happy that people see when we're together transfers over into our private life as well. She's like the other side of my coin, and its a great feeling.

[Vettezuki]

Nope, we both cant stand kids. Case by case basis is ok, but generally cant. I'll agree Ron's kids are great but its definitely something i dont as a part of my life. Neither does she, she has looked into methods of sterylization as well but i deemed to have it performed on me cause there is FAR less risk. Plus 2 little incisions isnt nearly as bad as some of the trauma my nards have been through.

I'm glad to say we have things down pretty well, and the happy that people see when we're together transfers over into our private life as well. She's like the other side of my coin, and its a great feeling.

The best reason in the world not to have kids is because you don't want them. The worst thing is to have them because you think you're supposed to when in fact you don't want them. It's cruel to the child and there's plenty of that going around.

As for matching, it's the best thing in the world.

[Shaolin Crane]

I got kids, they're listed in my sig :D

[blackax]

Now that i've had a few years to look back at how I grew up i really enjoy what my parents did for me, I was spanked when I did something wrong and loved and given affection when I needed it.

I was able to over power my dad ever since I was about 14 (my Grandparents adopted me) but My dad and I have always gotten along because I love him and respect him. He is a much better person then half the people in my life.

I have more respect for people that most kid's my age because of my parents!

[Shaolin Crane]

I guess it comes down to every kid needs to be parented differently, if i was raised like Rons kids i would have burned down the house, killed the neighbors cats or something to that effect. That being said, my sister was treated much like my sister. If there was something she wanted it was bought for her, anything she wanted. She got a new car, always took shopping for new clothes etc. Cut to now, she a fat lazy whore, to be straight and to the point about it. She has a MAJOR attention problem where if she's not in the center of it she'll cause as much problems as possible to stay there. She's a compulsive liar, has no work ethic and is living with a 50 year old dude that has 3 kids. About as worthless as her mother.

[94cobra69ss396]

I'm not saying that the way I raise my girls would work for every child. I agree that each kid needs something different. Even between my two girls each needs something different. Now for Guy as a young child, I don't know what I would have done. I've learned over the years what works with my girls and I'm sure that would be the case if I had a child that was
who pushed the limit.