Sweet Mrs. Neely

[Douglas Mariani]

Toward the end of a Sunday service, the Minister asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"

Eighty percent held up their hands.

The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one small elderly lady.

"Mrs. Neely? Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"

"I don't have any," she replied, smiling sweetly.

"Mrs. Neely, that is very unusual. How old are you?"

"Ninety-eight," she replied. The congregation stood up and clapped their hands.

"Oh, Mrs. Neely, would you please come down in front & tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years and not have an enemy in the world?"

The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said,

"I outlived the bitches."

[Vettezuki]

:laugh:

[gunfish]

I think I know her :)

[injdinjn]

:laugh:

[injdinjn]

Subject: Fwd: Putting Your Affairs in Order !!






The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, 'I've got some
bad news. You have cancer, and you'd best put your affairs in order.'

The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the
waiting room where her daughter had been waiting.

'Well, daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we
celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things
aren't well. I have cancer. So, let's head to the club and have a
martini.'

After 3 or 4 martinis, the two were feeling a little less somber. There
were some laughs and more martinis. They were eventually approached by
some of the woman's old friends, who were curious as to what the two
were celebrating.

The woman told her friends they were drinking
to her impending end, 'I've been diagnosed with AIDS.'

The friend's were aghast, gave the woman their condolences and beat a
hasty retreat.

After the friends left, the woman's daughter leaned over and
whispered, 'Momma, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told
your friends you were dying of AIDS! Why did you do that??'

'Because I don't want any of those bitches sleeping with your
father after I'm gone.'

And THAT, my friends, is what is called, 'Putting Your Affairs In
Order.'

[Leedom]

:smack::rolling:
Good thinking on her part!!

[Chuck]

:lmfao: that is a great idea.